IM A MURDERER...

He came at the most unsuitable time in my life.. a time when im loving someone the most.. he took a risk and made his way to me.. i apreciate every "I LOVE YOU" he told me.. it felt so true yet im not that so eager to believe, and besides im much eager to hear that from someone and not from him.. and yet its true.. little by little i learned to apreciate every effort he is making.. there came a time when he even calls me almost every hour just to check me and tell me that he loves me.. im waiting for a msg from someone but to my annoyance it was just from him.. and to make things even worse.. im waiting for someone to show me more love but it seems like he is giving more.. im not waitng for stupid signs bcoz im juz contented loving someone..

and then suddenly i realize.. here i am waiting for someone while he is there all along waiting for me..
sometimes i feel sorry for him..
but now i feel much hatred on myself for being so selfish..
i wanted to be happy.. while im making him sad..
im thinking of somebody while he is thinking of me..
i wanted to live while im slowly killing him..
right now im loving someone..
definitely not him..
im loving someone though im not quite sure if he do loves me too that much..
i juz dont care at all..
bcoz i choose to love that someone and not him..
maybe someday il regret it..
this might be the greatest sin in my life..
but i hope someday..
if that someone is really not my forever..
i hope..
he would still be there..
waiting for me..
patiently..eagerly..
just like before..
he told me he will not change..
i will hold on to his words..
coz i dont want to be a murderer anymore..

MAYBE

maybe someday il get tired..
maybe someday il get tired of reaching out to him..
maybe someday il get tired of all his alibis..
maybe someday il let go of him..

maybe one of these days il realize i dont deserve him..
maybe one of these days il ran out of reasons to fight for our love..
if indeed it was love..

but i think..
maybe right now..
il just sit in my usual corner and cry till i ran out of reasons to..
i feel like i wanted to let go of him..
but i dont wanna lose him..
but what the hell??!!
even if i let go of him
nothing will change..
bcoz i've let go of someone
who were never really became mine after all..
maybe if i let him go,
he'll be much happier..
much better..

this one goes to you..

You’re everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could’ve been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that?

You’re the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I’d love to not forgive
And though you break my heart, you’re the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can’t erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you
It pains me to say
I know I’ll be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl…No...No
No broken-hearted girl
I’m no broken-hearted girl

Something that I feel I need to say
But up to now I’ve always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I want to put this out
You say you’ve got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me
And still you’re in my heart
But you’re the only one and yes
There are times when I hate you
But I don’t complain
Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away
Oh but now I don’t hate you
I’m happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No…No
No broken-hearted girl

Now I’m at a place I thought I’d never be…Oooo
I’m living in a world that’s all about you and me…yeah
Ain't gotta be afraid my broken heart is free
To spread my wings and fly away
Away With you
yeah yeah yeah, ohh ohh ohh

I don’t wanna be without my baby
I don’t wanna a broken heart
Don’t want to take a breath with out my baby
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way..No..No
I don’t want a broken heart
I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl..No..No..
No broken-hearted girl
Broken-hearted girl No…no…
No broken-hearted girl
No broken-hearted girl

just like the first time

so far.. he seems to be the one who plays the role of my FIRST LOVE..
giving me so much feelings that im only starting to feel for the first time..
how he hugged me tight then starts to treat me cold after several minutes..
how he kisses me warmly then his lips will turn cold after a while..
the way he tells me how much he misses me but doesnt txt me too often sometimes..
how he adores my pictures but later it seems that he doesnt really care at all..
i feel like a fool sometimes for still loving him and giving him all ha wants..
the moment i knew i hate him,the same moment that he txts me? all my anger turns to oblivion.
how a single message from him makes me love him all over again just like the first time..

i dont care anymore how much tears i might shed for loving him..
i dont care anymore if im loving a loser..
i dont care anymore if all these things are not meant for forever,i dont care at all..

coz i want to give all my LOVE..


...JUST LIKE THE FIRST TIME..

"THE BEST DAMN THING"

I hate it when a guy doesn't get the door
Even though I told him yesterday and the day before
I hate it when a guy doesn't get the tab
And I have to pull my money out and that looks bad

Where are the hopes, where are the dreams
My Cinderella story scene
When do you think they'll finally see

That you're not not not gonna get any better
You won't won't won't you won't get rid of me never
Like it or not even though she's a lot like me
We're not the same
And yeah yeah yeah I'm a lot to handle
You don't know trouble I'm a hell of a scandal
Me I'm a scene I'm a drama queen
I'm the best damn thing
that your eyes have ever seen



I hate it when a guy doesn't understand
Why a certain time of month
I don't want to hold his hand
I hate it when they go out and we stay in
And they come home smelling
like their ex-girlfriend

But I found my hopes I found my dreams
My Cinderella story scene
Now everybody's gonna see

That you're not not not gonna get any better
You won't won't won't you won't get rid of me never
[The Best Damn Thing lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Like it or not even though she's a lot like me
We're not the same
And yeah yeah yeah I'm a lot to handle
You don't know trouble I'm a hell of a scandal
Me I'm a scene I'm a drama queen
I'm the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen



Where are the hopes, where are the dreams
My Cinderella story scene
When do you think they'll finally see

That you're not not not gonna get any better
You won't won't won't you won't get rid of me never
Like it or not even though she's a lot like me
We're not the same
And yeah yeah yeah I'm a lot to handle
You don't know trouble I'm a hell of a scandal
Me I'm a scene I'm a drama queen
I'm the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen

so far yet so near

i cant make myself understand
still im being so blind..
that this feeling so true
and i almost know everything about you..

i really dont know why,
a simple message from you make me smile
wishin' for a simple conversation
even if its only an imagination..

i can still remember the way we talked to each other before
especially the day you said that im immature
im still wondrin how things change..
from kiddy fights to makin love almost every night..

im always making a way
just to be part of your day
because i know someday
things will never be again this way
i know its so hard to believe
but memories with you
are the only things i could keep..

i always wanted to say sorry for somethings..

im sorry that i cant be there where you are right now..
im sorry that i cant wipe your tears when they're falling..
im sorry that i cant be there whenever you feel sad..
im sorry that i cant feed you with sweet kisses..
im sorry that i cant embrace you when you need comfort..
im sorry that i cannot sit there beside you and listen to everything that you need to say..
im sorry that i cant be there and cheer you up at the courtside whenever you play basketball..
im sorry that i could'nt wipe your eyeglasses with my own handkerchief whenever your eyeglasses gets moist..
im sorry that cant be there and lend you my hands and hold you whenever you feel weak..
im sorry that i cant be there..
to hear how you breathe..
to hold your chest and feel tyour heartbeat with my own hands..
to see how you smile..
how you laugh..
how you get angry..

and above all..
im so sorry that im not there to take care of you..
and to make you feel how important you are to me..


but still im happy because atleast you didn't see the tears i shed while writng this..
i love you..
even if i only met you in a stupid chatroom..
i love you..
even if i cant txt you..
i love you..
even if i havent met you..
i love you..
stupid as it sounds.
i love you beyond the distance..


and yes.. i choose to love you.. the silly naughty but warm hearted GUY because you also choose to love the imperfect weird childish immature GIRL..

and i know, i really know, in that destined place only God knows when or how..
i will meet someone from the future. and its getting clearer to me now. hoping that it would be you, and if that day comes, maybe we both know how our story will end.. you know im fond of writing our mini stories diba? do you ever wonder, hindi kaba nagtataka? walang ending diba?
u know why? because our story has'nt yet ended..it will definitely end, but not now..

and hey, someday..
i will hear the audience clapping thier hands, smiling at me, full of love, while im standing there at the stage, telling them our story..

not as romantic as cinderella and her prince charming.. not as tragic as romeo and juliet..
and not melancholic as jack and rose of titanic, but instead just a simple lovestory of a girl and a boy who have loved each other and known each other so much even before they met..

i raelly dont believe in magic..
but theres a certain magic i want to believe in..
the MAGIC OF LOVE.. and i wish that everyone will find that magic in their lives too..

i can hear a voice.. he is calling my name from afar.. whisphering words of love through my ears.. im hearing his voice right now..
i can hear how he breathe..
because im with you..
beyond the distance..